I have been in an on and off relationship for 4 years. At first i feel so secure maybe because of the love and care that he has shown to me. We had alot of fights and breakups but after few days, we will back each other arms again. We are both used to it..that kind of set up. We both have same attitude, our likes, dislikes thats why we both understand each other. Umikot and mundo namin sa isat isa for those years that we were together. Nasanay kami ng kami lang.

I trusted him so much, we have plans to get married but hindi lagi natutuloy coz something always happened.
One day he he admitted that he was in love with other woman whom he just met few days ago only..He said he love me also but he love the girl also, when he admitted that thru text, i was so upset as in parang binagsakan ng langit at lupa...At first nagalit ako then i push him away but after few days i felt that i need to fight for our love, for our plans...I fight for him, i talked to the girl and she refused to give way, i talked my ex and said that i am willing to forget everthing just come back to me and we will start all over again. He failed me..he chose that girl over me...tinalikuran nya ang ilang taong magksama kami dahil sa babae. I let him go that time and moved on. After a month and hald, i received an email from him asking me how am i, saying sorry for what happened and asking that someday i will forgive him. I ignore that email and just mind my new life without him then after few days, he keeps ringing my phone but i kept on ignoring him till one time i answered it that results to getting back each other arms again. I forgive him coz i saw the sincerity and the hope is there again that we will end up together. We are happy again, planning so many things again then after 9 months i was surprised again by him asking for a SPACE. As in nagulat n nmn ako coz i know although nagaaway kami ect, we know each other na we are both fighting for our love. I asked him why but theres no definite answer as in hindi ma explain. I asked hm if meron n nmn ba ibang girl but he said no...he just wanted to be alone. I was so sad because despite of all my sacrifices fo the relationship parang its always ended up useless. I let him go although his reasons are not clear...trying to forget but how can i forget if from time to time, he's asking if kumusta na ako, that he still love me, that he can't live without me, that he needed me but he's not doing anything to win me back. I felt that he's just playing around my emotion coz he knows that i still love her. I feels like i am still the loser coz mas ako ang nagiging emotional over him. I can't move on. We still trying to email each other for the past 4 months but its a rocky conversation...till last week, i found out that he has communication also with his EX (the girl na pinagpalit sa akin before) and knowing na nakikipagbalikan sya dun while naguusap din kami is such a painful feelings for me na feeling ko sana pinatay nalanga ko... I am planning to hav vacation this coming sept and we supposed to see each other but i was surprised again with what i have found out. I am just a panakip butas na lagi 2nd choice, if meron dun sa isa then if it failed babalik sa akin...the truth that really hard to accept. I tried to confront him about that though wala nmn ako rights coz we're off but i felt na puro kasinungalingan pa din lahat ng sinasabi nya..na ako talaga mahal nya..na ako papakasalan nya na naka set na ang mind nya na ako talaga ang gusto nya pero bakit kailangan pa nya makipag ayos sa girl diba? why he can't just made efforts for us if ako talaga gusto nya..this is the c onfusing part that really drives me crazy.....In my mind its really clear na im just panakip butas that he dont love me talaga..that he need someone lang na sasalo sa kanya at ako yun coz he knows hindi ko sya matatangihan...y? its simple, i love him...


And now i felt that its TOO much...i felt that i can still forgive him but can't accept him again. I asked him to just stay away for me. I told him that he can do whatver he wanted to do ,basta magpakalayo layo sya and dont ever come back coz after 4 years for sufferings, i really wanted to to move forward. I've lived for 4 years with pains and heartaches in my heart. Now i wanted to invest time and love for myself but moving on is really hard. The last time we talked, he promised me that he'll be back again to prove something to me and that is the time that i am afraid to happen..that one day i am totally ok then all of the sudden, he'll be back again. I dont know when is that and i really dont want that t happen coz i am not sure if the feelings is still there. Right now..still on the process of moving on....still confused..............